Prioritizing and Maintaining Relationships in a Busy World

Colby Mathis • December 19, 2025

Long time, no write!

Merry Christmas and happy holiday season to everyone. Long time, no write! Things have been going well, and I hope they have for everyone else too. One of my personal favorite things about winter and the end of the year is taking the time to reflect on the year and where I am in life.

Something that has been heavy on my heart and has been coming up more and more in folks I talk to (both in and out of counseling), is relationships. It seems like more and more often I hear: “When Bob and I hang out its great, we have a blast, and he always is willing to hang out, if I ask. But I never hear from him unless I reach out or make the plans.” Or “My cousin and I are so close when we are together, but I believe it could be years before I heard from them unless I initiate”.

I want to start out by saying, this is not to shame anyone who is Bob or the cousin. Anyone would be out of their mind to disagree with the notion that we live in a busy time, in a busy world, with a lot going on. We are taking care of ourselves, our families, our finances, and hoping to scrape by enough time to have some fun. What I do want is people to be thinking about their lives and consistently reflecting, not just the exhausted and annoyed initiator, but everyone in everything they do.

As a Christian, I believe there are forces beyond our eyes and experiences that are contributing to a lot of what we go through.

“For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12)

The reason I think its so important to take the time to reflect, is that a lot of these things we’re busy with are not bad things. Working is good. Taking care of your household is a requirement. Seeking some personal fun is common nature. What happens, though, in the busyness is something else takes control. Call it complacency, getting too into the zone, or the “authorities of the unseen world”, time gets away from us and suddenly we have neglected one of the most important parts of life, nurturing and contributing to our relationships.

So, I would like to share a few thoughts, opinions, and ideas about maintaining relationships and building a habit of self-reflection and thought.

There are several factors in play in our relationships. I believe that some of this can be applied to romantic relationships, maybe If you are still in a dating situation, but romantic ones are obviously different in a lot of ways. Relationships in this context refer to friendships and family relationships. Also, there are a lot of pre-thoughts in my own mind before this topic that I won’t write too much about, but you need to prioritize your life in general. For me, this goes God, Family/Friends, Work/hobbies. I desire my closest friend circle to be small and close knit. Jesus had a lot of friends he’d connect with sometimes, then he had the 12 he’d see often, and then he had the 3 close bros John, James, and Peter. This isn’t about favoritism, this is human ability to maintain relationships.

Dr. Google wisely suggests that these kinds of relationships have some core pillars of open communication, respect, trust, quality time, teamwork, and understanding. Wise words I don’t think any of us would disagree with. Now I want you to consider when was the last time you sat down for even five minutes and pondered these areas in your relationships. I don’t do it often, but I should do it more. This might look simply like “Hmm, how am I doing in my priority areas and how are my relationships”.

When considering relationships, there has been a number of metaphorical ideas such as the “love bank” (Gottman, 7 Principles to Make Marriage Work) or “love tank” (Chapman, 5 Love Languages). You can probably guess the premises, but to over simplify: keep filling up your relationship bank account or keeping your relationship tank full. When thinking of friendships and family, I prefer the Love Tank. When you think of a gas tank, you need to keep it fueled with quality fuel, but what happens to the fuel that you leave sitting for too long? Apparently, Dr. Google is a dual major in mechanics, he says fuel left sitting for too long causes it to degrade, oxidize, which leads to problems.

Imagine our relationship fuel tank as a large one with two inputs to refuel. One side can get a lot of fuel in the tank, but these tanks are large and cost a lot of fuel too. Sometimes the gas to refuel runs out if one station has to serve too many cars all at once (which could also be indicative of your gas station trying to service too many relationships), and the love tank is the same. If one person is reaching out 90 percent of the time, making the plans, doing the pursuing, their fuel input could run to a trickle that isn’t enough to keep the sitting fuel fresh. Like a car that has sat all winter, we don’ t even know how the fuel is until we check. This longwinded description is why we need to take the time regularly to consider our relationship tanks, or else we will go to start our relationship vehicle some day and realize we’ve left it to oxidize.

So, what do we do with this information? I’m glad you asked. Let me break it down more simply now.

No less than monthly, engage in some self-reflection about your life, priorities, and relationships, keeping the relationship tank in mind. “Have I been fueling the tank too?”
If you are the initiator friend/family member, bring it up in a loving way.
Start with the positives, “It’s always a blast when we hang out” “I really appreciate our friendship”.
Move to the hard part, “Lately Its seemed like I do a lot of the reaching out and planning, which I’m happy to do sometimes. It does make my brain question if I’m missing something or if you might not be as into our relationship as I am”.
Offer support, validation, and plan together. “That makes a lot of sense that you’ve been so busy with work lately. I’d love to be there to talk about that together or be a place of happy distraction, you just have to ask, and I’ll do my best to be there”. "Lets try to alternate planning"
If you find yourself to be the friend who may have let life get away from them, again no shame Its happened to all of us, here’s some ideas.
To put it shamelessly blunt, the busiest person on earth has to go to the toilet sometime. I don’t know about you, but I can text pretty fast. I bet I could write way more than I need to in 10 seconds. Be honest, accountable, and feel free to explain.
“Hey sorry it’s been so long since I’ve reached out or made plans. Life just got away from me. I value our friendship and we should hang out!”
Establish a new pattern. While not always possible, an amazing strategy for the relationship tank is to take a 50-50 approach, or close to that. This might mean that if your friend/family member has initiated the last time or two or three, you need to be the one to reach out now.
There may always be the friend that holds more of the planning load, but if you aren’t a planner, you can still reach out with a “Hey we should do something this weekend, any ideas?” This simple message expresses interest and fills up the tank a lot.
This is the slightly depressing part that might hurt some feelings, but it needs to be said. Sometimes, not right away but after time and energy, you have to reflect on “Is this effort worth it?”. There is no way to get around that relationships take effort and investment, and we can only allow something to bother us and stress us for so long. The following directions might come after we’ve tried some ideas of balancing the filling of the tank and things still stay the same.
Assume a waiting stance and focus attention elsewhere. This means that you are no longer initiating. You might chat some, but this relationship has taken a stress tole, and you have put the ball into their court. Take some time with no more over initiating contact or planning. Feel free to respond happily to the friend if they do reach out, but you need some time to refuel your own energy tank too
Reflect on whether this relationship is worth keeping at this level. Perhaps this is someone you had as your “Peter, John, and James” but things have changed. Maybe the relationship is more of an in the 12, important relationship but not as intimate as the prior. Maybe even, this has moved to the “have dinner once or twice a year” group, or even just a connect at the holidays sort of relationship.
THIS DOES NOT REFLECT LESS CARE OR LOVE FOR THEM. This is respecting yourself so that you can be there for others and even be there for this friend should things change.

Clearly this has been on my mind as I am having a hard time stopping writing… I have experienced this, I’ve known people who have experienced this, and way too many of my clients experience this. In summary: Self reflection monthly or more, keep the love tank in mind and make sure you are filling it, work towards keeping the initiation balanced in relationships, and finally, don’t be afraid to draw the line, leave the ball in their court, and take care of yourself.

Keep reflecting and keep filling those tanks.

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Explore These New and Effective Mental Health Strategies For Improved Wellness

By Colby Mathis • February 12, 2024

In a time where the pace of life races unceasingly, the need to prioritize mental well-being has become more critical than ever. This guide written by Jackie Cortez, courtesy of FaithWorks Counseling, steps outside the bounds of traditional approaches, offering a collection of innovative and impactful strategies to bolster mental health. It serves not just as an exploration of alternative methods, but as a beacon for those seeking to navigate the complexities of modern mental wellness with fresh and effective techniques. Digital Detox Initiate your journey to mental wellness by reclaiming time from the digital realm. Curtailing screen time not only reduces sensory overload but also reorients focus towards enriching real-world interactions. This deliberate shift away from virtual engagements allows for the rediscovery of the simple joys and connections that physical presence fosters, creating a more balanced and serene mental state. The Power of Self-Reflection Venture into the realm of self-reflection, a powerful tool for uncovering your passions and life's purpose. This practice, whether through journaling, meditation, or guided sessions, enables an intimate conversation with oneself. It’s a journey of discovery that fosters authenticity and personal growth, leading to a more aligned and fulfilling existence. Career Transformation Reflect on the significant benefits a career shift can offer for enhancing mental well-being. Pursuing further education, particularly through flexible online programs, not only reignites one's passion but also unveils new avenues for growth and opportunity. Delving into the curriculum of a cybersecurity degree, for instance, presents a fascinating blend of challenge and learning as you learn about how to protect information from hackers and cyberthieves. With an online program, you can learn on your own time and work on skills that will allow you to investigate and resolve data breaches, which will open doors to high-paying professions. Embrace Natural Supplements Natural supplements can play a vital role in enhancing mental health. Collaborating with healthcare professionals to identify supplements that align with individual needs introduces a complementary approach to traditional mental health practices. This natural path offers a holistic perspective, aiding in achieving a balanced mental state. Mastery of Mindful Breathing Incorporate the art of deep breathing exercises into your daily routine. These simple yet profound techniques are potent tools in alleviating stress and enhancing relaxation. They pave the way to improved mental clarity and focus, serving as a foundation for better mental health and a more centered life experience. Once you learn how to perform deep breathing exercises, you can do them just about anywhere, allowing for on-the-spot stress relief. Monthly Goal Setting Elevate personal motivation and self-esteem by setting and tracking monthly goals. This structured approach to personal development not only fosters a sense of achievement but also provides clarity and direction in one's growth journey. The act of setting and achieving goals is an empowering process that fuels the drive for continual self-improvement. Join a Book Club Stimulate your mind and foster social connections by participating in a book club. This engagement provides a unique platform for intellectual exchange and personal interaction, enriching one's mental landscape. The act of discussing and dissecting literature with others can broaden horizons and deepen understanding, offering a refreshing escape and mental stimulus. Volunteer for Fulfillment Committing time to volunteer efforts not only benefits individual and communal health but also nurtures a deeper connection with society. Participating in altruistic endeavors through local nonprofit organizations fosters a robust sense of purpose and fulfillment. You might even decide to form your own nonprofit in order to better serve your community. Take a look at online resources that can help you with the process so that you’re legally compliant; for instance, you’ll need to lay out your nonprofit’s bylaws, which detail how voting works and how the organization will be governed. Elevating mental health in today's fast-paced world requires a multifaceted approach. By adopting some of these strategies, you can focus on your overall wellbeing while also moving forward in your career or helping others. These innovative approaches provide a fresh perspective on mental wellness, paving the way for a balanced and enriching life. FaithWorks Counseling offers therapy for teens and adults who are looking for help with depression, anxiety, and other life struggles. Have a question about what a session entails? Get in touch today.

How to be Grateful, and Why?

By Colby Mathis • November 29, 2022

Lets talk about gratitude.

But Why Be a Counselor?

By Colby Mathis • September 22, 2022

Counseling is a wonderful and unique profession. Coming alongside those who are suffering or struggling is an honor and a true blessing. Paul tells us in Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” . It is truly a pure form of love and compassion for God’s creation. Though taxing at times, having been able to sit with someone to hear their experiences and struggles, and being a calming, validating, and balancing influence in their life is a fulfilling experience. Seriously though, why did you become a counselor? My journey to becoming a counselor dates back as far as elementary age. As a young child, I often gravitated towards those struggling. I had an act for perceiving other’s pain and even being able to come along side and feel that pain with them. The household I grew up in was very middle class, supportive, and pretty average. Remembering back, I can recall connecting with kids who were probably not always my parent’s first choice for me to be friends with. Kids struggling with dysfunctional families, substance abuse in the home, broken homes, and so on. The kid in class that others thought was “weird” or “gross”, I would give a chance to. It’s not like I have a personal history that makes these experiences overly relatable either -- at least I don’t think… I wasn’t “weird” or “gross”, was I…? I think I just had no bias, felt for people, and thought everyone deserved a fair shot. The first time I began putting a name to what I was… in to? I s that the right wording, that kind of sounds like I was dabbling with a drug or exploring explicit content… Interested in. There we go . The first time I began putting a name to what I was interested in was around age 12 when I picked up and read my first psychological book. It was Control Theory by William Glasser, a pretty old school psychiatrist popular in the early ages of psychology, in the 1950s. Looking back at this book, which I still own, it is drier than the bark on a tree. But the concept was there and it was fascinating to me. Being able to learn to control what we are feeling, the behaviors, and even changing one’s experience... I was hooked. So I went on to be a counselor and lived happily ever after... Actually… I did what most developing adults to be do and changed my direction a handful of times, despite having a longstanding interest in psychology. I thought I’d like to be an architect, then I remembered my artistic talent and vision is that of a rodent’s. It would be pretty cool to be a teacher I thought, but then I remembered that I thought most of the stuff taught in school was pretty much worthless in the long run. Maybe something with math? Oh wait, I almost failed math several times. Okay fine, I’ll be a photojournalist! Still love the idea but I like having a job so not my route! How about some first hand experience? About mid high school my interest in counseling and psychology was solidified when I had my first personal experience with anxiety. I began experiencing panic attacks around age 16, and on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of fun, they were a solid negative 4. My first attack was following a tennis match, after I arrived home around 9pm. I felt the still recognizable tingle in my chest and slightly off heart rate that signaled my imminent demise as the first 16 year old to die of a sudden heart attack. Heart rate rose, breathing quickened, I asked what the heck is going on, decided I’d take albuterol for supposed asthma, and found that the albuterol worked right as it rose my heartrate to another level and made my attack worse. Surprise! I’m still alive today and did not have a heart attack. These episodes did prompt a several year long journey into the mental health field on a personal level. The panic attacks continued, but decided they would link themselves to a long dormant separation trauma from childhood that is way too big of a story to include here today. Long story short, I would have panic attacks or come close to having attacks, several days of the week for months. I was trying different medications, talking to different people, and learning about psychology in a way I didn’t plan on. Ultimately the attacks faded as I learned how to sit with them and practice mindfulness on my own, along with medication, however the anxiety itself stayed. I went through a slew of different experiences with it ranging from general anxiety, to not being able to go to sleep for months while having to work full time after graduating, what a blast that was . As time went on and I continued taking a medication that worked, the anxiety decreased and stabilized to a point that it is nonexistent, or in the most like hearing a mosquito flying around your ear, which arguably is still pretty annoying at times . Living the dream Through my own struggles with anxiety, considering my life experiences, and continuing to dig into the psychology world, I made the decision to pursue a career helping people going through their own struggles with family, anxiety, and other conditions that I learned more about in the years to come. Here is a Sparknotes summary on the rest ( does anyone actually know what Sparknotes is anymore? ). I went to community college, undergraduate in psychology, masters in counseling, worked a few jobs in the counseling field, and loved it as much as I could ever hope . Ultimately I was able to gain experience and start my own practice with some more pushing from God -- he's pretty good at that -- and here I am today. God was not joking when he said “I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. It may have felt a little extreme there for a while, but now as a 29 year old version of myself who has a counseling private practice and is able to help others daily, I wouldn’t change a thing. Stay tuned for more posts from me as I explore other areas of my life, different counseling/psychology ideas, and maybe some random fun stuff along the way.